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Pairing: Horrifying Vintage Holiday Meals with Beer

12-23-2014

Nothing says Christmas time like copious amounts of unwanted traditional treats to choke down. Buzzfeed took it further with their top list of horrifying vintage holiday dishes. In case you are intrigued by the combination of jell-o with tuna, jello-with turkey or jell-o with green olives, here is a select list of dishes perfectly paired with beer.

 

 

Tuna Christmas Tree Paired with Deschutes Mirror Pond Pale Ale

There’s nothing like discovering your elf on the shelf whipped up some tuna salad adorned with parsley, jell-o “ornaments” served with a side of stale crackers in the middle of the night. To really celebrate this molded atrocity, pair it with Deschutes Mirror Pond Pale Ale. Light bitterness from the hops combat the sweet jell-o while cutting through the creamy concoction while the body is light enough to not overpower the tree, which may or may not turn out to be edible.

 

Frozen Fruitcake Salad paired with Hoegaarden

Picture all the reasons fruitcake is bad. Now, add in some spinach and what appears to be a creamy cheese, although in this case mayo isn’t too off of a guess, either. That is the quivering mound of fruitcake salad. Pair it with Hoegaarden, a Weisbier. The beer’s creamy mouthfeel and bright nose are sure to complement, if not somewhat hide, the sweetness from the cake-salad.

 

Molded Pate Cheese Balls paired with Arcadia Ales Nut Brown

The name says enough in regards to this dish’s flavor profile. Just imagine hands lovingly mushing and molding liver and cheese together into globe-like shapes then dumping them into a mold and adding jell-o. Jell-o used to be its own category on the food pyramid, apparently. Arcadia Ales Nut Brown ale has a steady malt bone that adds a roastiness to the cheesed mold and pairs well with the meatiness of the liver.

 

 

Noel Glazed Ham Paired with New Belgium Trippel 

What this ham is glazed with remains a mystery of epic proportions. Best bets are on a spreadable cheese or mayo. However, jell-o is definitely included in this dish. How else would it look so festive? Drink New Belgium Brewing Co. Trippel to highlight the sweet tones of the baked ham while simultaneously scrubbing off any thick residue left behind by the mystery glaze.

 

Holiday Vegetable Loaf Paired with Oskar Blues Mama's Little Yella Pils 

Nothing says the holidays like a loaf. A healthy alternative dish to bring to a feast, this has everything; cranberry-shaped whales, apples, broccoli, mashed potatoes, tomatoes and mystery loaf. Pair a can of Mama’s Little Yella Pils from Oskar Blues Brewery with this free-form salad experiment. The light body won’t take away from the salad-ish ingredients while the grassy hops and bready malt character might actually enhance this dish. Maybe. Anything is possible

 

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